That Thanksgiving for me at the time was the worst I had ever experienced. Oh to be young tired and full of energy. I was in school full time and working 3 jobs barely holding myself together. That Thanksgiving I had been up for almost 48 hours working and getting ready for finals. I would have been thankful for a full 5 hours of sleep but that wasn't what was intended for me. Three was more like what I got. Looking back on the whole thing, I feel like such a spoiled brat, but we will get to that.
Thanksgiving has always been mom's thing. She loved to cook, she would plan months in advance to get ready. That year she made a special effort to come home. Her friend was on a mission trip, and needed a house sitter. She was able to talk mom into it and a part of me was glad because it was another turkey day with my family. Another part of me knew what my schedule was going to be like and had no clue how I was going to make it all work.
I was using my third shift position at the mental hospital to study, and going straight to school from there. Then from school I had to fall into my job at the Gap. Five Hour Energy was my friend those days. That year I had planned on staying with mom at her friends house because it was a comfortable bed to sleep in for 3 days. Well, what sleep I was going to get that is.
That morning when I got home, mom was already cooking. It was 7am and I was so tired I wanted to cry. I stammered into the room I was staying in, fell in the bed with my clothes on, and went straight to sleep. I had been up for almost 2 days straight. mom came in to remind me I wasn't going to get to sleep for long because we would be eating soon. I begged her to at least let me get 5 hours.
Three hours later she was waking me up to go in and eat with them, (they liked to eat early so they could eat again that night). I was half livid, half in tears, and still half-asleep. I knew that I had to go back to my bartending job that night so I would not be able to go back to sleep after we ate. At this point I no longer even cared about Thanksgiving, I didn't care about food, I didn't care about anything but getting some rest.
I didn't know that it would be the last Thanksgiving that I would speak my mom for the next 3 years. That's three years of time that I can't get back. A lot of it was her fault, a lot of it was my fault, because it takes two people to dissolve a relationship.. but as I said at that moment I wasn't thinking about the future, I was only thinking about the present. I was being a spoiled brat.
Yesterday after eating just myself and my husband, thinking about all the thanksgivings that I've had the good and the bad, that one came to the front of my mind. I suppose the lesson from the story is even though we're going through something at the time that seems to be the end of the world, it can always get worse. That's not to take away from the trouble you are going through, you have a right to feel it and live through it, but don't wallow in it.
Always remind yourself that things in the future can be worse. When my parents passed away and I had to start experiencing Thanksgiving without my mom. We had our silly little quirky things we did that I will always miss. And as the old adage says, " if I had known then what I know now", I may not have acted like such a whiny butt. I was tired, it was my first real bout of complete exhaustion, but I sat there at that table and cried through the whole entire dinner, making everybody miserable, being a giant brat when I should have just sucked up enjoyed it and pushed through.
Sometimes in life we get stuck in what we're going through, when we should just suck it up and push through. My ex husband's grandmother used to always say, "this too shall pass", and I'm so glad I heard her say that. That has been a huge part of how I get through any tough time in life. Through the stress, through the unbearable stress, through the sadness or exhaustion I always remind myself this too shall pass. In the moment it's terrible but everyday you roll out of that bed and put your feet on the floor is another day to get it right and improve upon the one before.
That Thanksgiving for me was the worst ever and it was my fault. It was my fault because instead of enjoying something that I was actually thankful, for I pissed and moaned through the whole thing. I wish I could go back and enjoy that dinner and have that day back, but there is no looking back because what's done is done, and lessons are learned. In the spirit of Thanksgiving I will say I am very thankful that I have had those bad times, and I had the good times that made those seem insignificant. I am thankful for my failures because without them I wouldn't learn how to win, I am thankful for the hard times because without them how would I know to appreciate the good times.
I end this blog by saying we all have something to be deeply thankful for. In the coming holiday season there are many people who are cold and hungry, who are thankful for the clothes on their back. No matter how they got to that place,we should bless them by giving back. If you see a homeless person or know someone in need, give them a blanket, give them food, clothes, pray with them, and give them hope. One of the many things.... probably the thing I am thankful for the most is Hope. When you give someone hope you give them a greater gift than anything money could buy.
That morning when I got home, mom was already cooking. It was 7am and I was so tired I wanted to cry. I stammered into the room I was staying in, fell in the bed with my clothes on, and went straight to sleep. I had been up for almost 2 days straight. mom came in to remind me I wasn't going to get to sleep for long because we would be eating soon. I begged her to at least let me get 5 hours.
Three hours later she was waking me up to go in and eat with them, (they liked to eat early so they could eat again that night). I was half livid, half in tears, and still half-asleep. I knew that I had to go back to my bartending job that night so I would not be able to go back to sleep after we ate. At this point I no longer even cared about Thanksgiving, I didn't care about food, I didn't care about anything but getting some rest.
I didn't know that it would be the last Thanksgiving that I would speak my mom for the next 3 years. That's three years of time that I can't get back. A lot of it was her fault, a lot of it was my fault, because it takes two people to dissolve a relationship.. but as I said at that moment I wasn't thinking about the future, I was only thinking about the present. I was being a spoiled brat.
Yesterday after eating just myself and my husband, thinking about all the thanksgivings that I've had the good and the bad, that one came to the front of my mind. I suppose the lesson from the story is even though we're going through something at the time that seems to be the end of the world, it can always get worse. That's not to take away from the trouble you are going through, you have a right to feel it and live through it, but don't wallow in it.
Always remind yourself that things in the future can be worse. When my parents passed away and I had to start experiencing Thanksgiving without my mom. We had our silly little quirky things we did that I will always miss. And as the old adage says, " if I had known then what I know now", I may not have acted like such a whiny butt. I was tired, it was my first real bout of complete exhaustion, but I sat there at that table and cried through the whole entire dinner, making everybody miserable, being a giant brat when I should have just sucked up enjoyed it and pushed through.
Sometimes in life we get stuck in what we're going through, when we should just suck it up and push through. My ex husband's grandmother used to always say, "this too shall pass", and I'm so glad I heard her say that. That has been a huge part of how I get through any tough time in life. Through the stress, through the unbearable stress, through the sadness or exhaustion I always remind myself this too shall pass. In the moment it's terrible but everyday you roll out of that bed and put your feet on the floor is another day to get it right and improve upon the one before.
That Thanksgiving for me was the worst ever and it was my fault. It was my fault because instead of enjoying something that I was actually thankful, for I pissed and moaned through the whole thing. I wish I could go back and enjoy that dinner and have that day back, but there is no looking back because what's done is done, and lessons are learned. In the spirit of Thanksgiving I will say I am very thankful that I have had those bad times, and I had the good times that made those seem insignificant. I am thankful for my failures because without them I wouldn't learn how to win, I am thankful for the hard times because without them how would I know to appreciate the good times.
I end this blog by saying we all have something to be deeply thankful for. In the coming holiday season there are many people who are cold and hungry, who are thankful for the clothes on their back. No matter how they got to that place,we should bless them by giving back. If you see a homeless person or know someone in need, give them a blanket, give them food, clothes, pray with them, and give them hope. One of the many things.... probably the thing I am thankful for the most is Hope. When you give someone hope you give them a greater gift than anything money could buy.
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