“Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness, concern, and support you’d show to a good friend. When faced with difficult life struggles, or confronting personal mistakes, failures, and inadequacies, self-compassion responds with kindness rather than harsh self-judgment, recognizing that imperfection is part of the shared human experience and that makes you enough.”
Being Enough is a huge thing to feel, When you feel that you're not good enough, you often find yourself in isolation,feeling abandoned and longing for love from the people you have never received much love from. Love is a choice, and if you have never experienced love, it's because you never chose to love. Think about that, if you have never experienced real love, then you are not able to love. Love can be a healing force that unifies everybody. You can love somebody without needing anything in return from them. That's where freedom comes in.
Sometimes we have to stop wasting our life and drowning in suffering because we have never had the love and attention that we deserved from our parents, our spouse, our friends, our children. Then its easy to get in your own way by creating obstacles by focusing on what you can't have. Refer back to yesterday when I wrote about the paradise syndrome. The thought of letting go is difficult and scary.
Holding on is a safe feeling b/c you have become complacent, you are ok with letting those hurts and pain from your past control you b/c you know how to handle it, by hiding and withdrawing. Meanwhile, your whole life slowly falls away b/c you don't move forward and open up. You are staying yoked to your pain, but when you let go you have freedom. Its frightening b/c what if you get hurt, what if you are criticized again, what if someone actually tells you, you aren't good enough. Getting hung up on all of the "what ifs" and not moving forward will be the two words that keep your feet in the quick sand. That leads to one feeling as if there is always a perpetual problem that keeps them from being enough.
What one can learn is that the things that you feel like everybody thinks is your problem is not your problem, it's not something that needs this huge fix, your problems are not hindering you ,your problems are not getting in your way,YOU are getting in your way by not learning from them and using them as a tool for change. Our flaws did not make us weak, they do not make us unlovable, the biggest roadblock is thinking wrong about the problem. Looking at it as a setback, as being imperfect, as being not enough, when it's giving the opportunity to prove that you are, and to be the example for those around you that they too are enough. The attention on the negativity and the "problem" is what keeps it from going away. The things that we have forced ourselves to believe has become you. It has alienated us and instead of letting it do all that it should. Accepting and integrating it as a part of who you are knowing that you can use it to make you happy, to learn from it, to be better. Because of it we can have pride in ourselves because we overcame it. Negativity in our conversations on the phone with friends, or with your family, are like errant children who do negative things because they want attention. It can feel like that attention will make you feel better when someone feels bad for you....because at least somebody cares right, but all it does is make you sink deeper and farther from who you were supposed to be. It's training ourselves to feel good about who we are through negativity and ultimately all this does is exhaust people and they fall away when you thought you were gaining approval through sympathy.
My problem that has stopped me from loving myself is seeking approval. All along I needed to seek it within myself. Having my "ah ha" moment, I stopped and thought I am a good person and really sometimes I care too much... like way to much to the point that it is a detriment to me. I can't fix it and that reflects on me as a person. I couldn't fix my relationship with my mom, I couldn't save my parents or make my mom just eat when hospice was called in, I couldn't save the woman who was shot and died in my house, even though I saved her 4 year old daughters life. I couldn't save my first marriage and I can't force a fix in the one I'm in when there is an issue. But, that's not making me not enough, b/c really its not about me.
I am not going to blame myself and who I am anymore b/c of the choices others make. I am a kind caring person that would fucking love to save the world. I would love to give everyone perfect happiness, but my ways aren't always someone else's, so I will give it to myself. Sometimes you just have to say fuck it, I love myself, I chose happiness. A friend recently told me something that was truly inspirational. Going through a big change he was thankful for the bad times as much as the good b/c they taught him, and he wasn't going to let it change him. That's some powerful shit right there and I can only imagine the overwhelming sense of peace that follows.
My dad raised a strong amazing woman who has gone through so much shit in her life, I have faith and have overcome so much trauma and when climbing out of the pit I realize that I am enough and if no one else can see that that's not my problem, and I don't care. If we have lived our lives in fear, being so afraid, not letting ourselves be loved, then we aren't living, we are existing. The pieces of you that you feel are unlovable are screaming for love. The only thing that you need to change is the thought that keeps you from change. I changed my thoughts, I am enough, I am worthy, I may sound like Stuart Smiley but Gosh darnit people like me.
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