Have you ever really wondered why we get offended by things in life? Its not something I really thought about until here recently. I think we get offended by things people may say because it takes us back to a place where we still need to heal ourselves. Growing up my parents would call me stupid and sometimes would treat me like I was stupid. I had a very difficult time with math, it was a second grade teacher that taught it to me where I could finally understand. A year after in the third grade I tested into the gifted program, my mom had no faith in me that I would be able to handle it. When she took that faith I let her have it.
I've always known that I am smart, I after all did test into those classes, later in high school graduating with honors. Today when someone insinuates that I am not a smart person, I know it is them with the problem not me. I am not going to let their insecurities or opinions change what I know about myself. In my day 5 post I made the point that we shouldn't depend on others to see the reflection of ourselves. I actually think its a point I have shared multiple times in this journey. Calling me stupid, dumb, or treating me as if I am unintelligent really is no longer offensive b/c I accept myself. I need no ones approval.
Maybe peoples opinions or judgments of others are coming from a place of their own insecurities. Why should we let them take our self love b/c they are insecure? I have several times in my life been told, "Keleigh you are better than that" it used to grate my nerves. Now looking back I think, "Apparently I am not better than that b/c those are my feelings, they matter so suck it, agree to disagree". When you accept that stuff into your heart you start making excuses for your behavior.
Excuses are based from fear and used a reason to stay comfortable in the uncomfortable place you reside. When we say things like, "I am afraid I will fail at this" What fear is telling you is you shouldn't even try. "If I try hard and fail I will be devastated", fear is saying," Well you can try but there is only so much you can do". When you think to yourself, "Ugh this is going to take too much effort", fear is telling you "It's not worth it". So you get in your own way, you don't try and you keep yourself from actually enjoying life. You keep yourself from allowing love into your heart.
If I allowed myself to stay offended by people thinking or calling me dumb, I could easily slip into fear based behaviors. "Well being life coach was a stupid idea, I guess I shouldn't even try... people think I am stupid why would they want my advice". So fear would keep me stuck. Maybe self love also is no longer being afraid? Afraid of love, failure, happiness, other people's idea's and opinions. Possibly self love is accepting ourselves so we can accept others. If I don't accept myself and I make excuses for myself then it would be easy to make excuses for other peoples actions towards me by blaming myself, or excusing their poor behavior.
Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for everything in your life. If you love yourself you have happiness in your heart and that really helps you to love others. When negativity resides in your heart you question people, doubt people, and hold them and their love at bay b/c you question and doubt yourself keeping who you could be in life at bay. It's easy to stay stuck because stuck is comfortable, stuck isn't scary, maybe it isn't in the moment but it's scary to think of how that limiting behavior will keep you from knowing true love.
It's a long process that we need to have patience with. When I started down my road of epiphany I didn't just turn on a light and completely change with no more doubt or questions. I knew that I would have my moments and still on occasion do where I question, let the doubt try to creep in, and sometimes I almost get the best of me. I am becoming more and more self aware which ultimately leads to healing. I haven't jumped into this thinking I am going to fix these issues asap and then they will go away and I'll be done. That's setting up an expectation I know I can't live up to, so maybe when we are starting or doing a self love journey we should focus on the process and not being healed. Be kind to yourself and when we get to the end of our journey, the world of offensive thoughts and words, excuses, and fear, just fade away.
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