a : allegiance to duty or a person : loyalty b (1) : fidelity to one's promises (2) : sincerity of intentions
2
a (1) : belief and trust in and loyalty to God (2) : belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion b (1) : firm belief in something for which there is no proof (2) : complete trust
3
: something that is believed especially with strong conviction; especially : a system of religious beliefs <the Protestant faith>
I have had many conversations with people about my beliefs, but the foundation of them is faith. I have always enjoyed listening to others opinions and I value what my friends believe even if they don't share mine. We all have free will right, so if someone chooses another path that is their right and I value that right. Whatever we think or feel about a higher power I believe in God, let me get that out there and part of that is the fact that even in my darkest times he has proven that he is there and has my back. In these dark times I wanted to give in to my anger and pain and have no faith, but no matter how easy it was to turn my back I knew he was there and I knew that before those times he had proven his existence to me time and again.
When I was having my daughter she and I both almost died, the only thing in my head was "God no matter what please be here with me and my baby and keep us together". While it was touch and go for us both he did. He answered my prayer and gave me this awesome child that has become a hero in my life, that has taught me about myself and who I want to be and who I would like to see her become. I had a miscarriage in between Sophie and her brother and it was a huge set back, but in my sorrow I became pregnant again and had my son Zander who renews my spirit with his happiness and energy. When I was small I knew I wanted to be a mom all I have ever wanted more than anything was to be a mommy, and as a kid I want a girl first then a boy. Those of you who know me know....that is what I have. How can I say that there is no God when my biggest wish was fulfilled. Nay sayers can feel like it was the luck of the draw but I stick to the fact that there is a God, he knew what he was doing and it renews my faith every time I look at them that he is there and he loves me.
This leads me to a conversation I had the other day with someone that has no faith. Whether it be in a higher power or something else, if you don't have it and can't grasp it how can you have any faith in yourself or anyone else. When life hands you lemons when you have no faith do you just squeeze the lemon in your eye and suffer? How can any relationships form and how can you go from day to day without believing or feeling that something or someone is there to help you. If you have no faith not only do you desert the ones you love but you desert yourself, therefor you have no cause or meaning. There is no hope, there isn't a promise that you can feel or understand that things are going to improve and life will lead you to happiness. Then again if you have no faith can you fathom letting go and having joy in your heart and being happy? I have experienced poverty in my life, worry, sorrow, extreme anger, loneliness, self pity, and through all of that as easy as it was to have no faith and live a life of disdane I couldn't turn my back on the fact that something was going to hold me up and see me through it all. How can we be true to ourselves and be whole as a person if we have no faith. I can't see a way to do so. No matter what you believe concerning a higher power we are not in control no matter how hard we try to be.
For me faith, love, and joy rule my heart. I know that one day times will become hard again and all of these beliefs will be tested, I will feel lonely, I will feel anger and sadness, but I know in my heart of hearts that my faith will see me through. One story that I will take with me for the rest of my life as a true example of faith and forgiveness is the woman who killed her husband and his parents drove hours to see her in jail to forgive her. How powerful is that? They had faith that God would carry them through their pain so much so that they forgave the person that took their child from them. I can't fathom that, I still want to understand with all of my faith and hope...the faith of a child.
Do we remember the good times as children when we knew we would be taken care o, we knew dinner would be on the table and we had a comfortable bed to sleep in. The faith of a child... if it has been lost I think we should find it, not only to better ourselves but the world around us and the people in it. I know one day I will lose my daddy, it will crush me and I will be sorrowful and full of sadness and anger, but I also know God will carry me through it just like he will when I lose my mom or others I love. I lost my marriage a long time ago, something I put all of my heart in...God was there to hold me up and carry me through my anger and sorrow. I lost my way for a while but through my faith found my way back. Where would I be or who would I be without that? I don't want to know. Someone will always be there to hold us up whether we can see them or not, will the sun rise tomorrow? Yes it will if you believe that it is your first step to recovering your faith. Life is not facts and tangible things we can feel but hope and faith that the sun will rise and the new day will bring us another chance to be better.....SO TAKE IT! Don't waste what you are given, don't not believe in yourself because other people do, don't waste someones faith in you.
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