Addiction

Well In light of the passing of Amy Winehouse and a conversation between myself and a good friend it has brought up memories of a friend who lost the battle to addiction and made me realize that it's important people understand it. Understanding isn't supporting but if you have someone in your life that needs help battling this sickness, hopefully you will get something out of this.

To help someone you have to before anything understand this it is without a doubt a sickness that is incurable with any drug. Before you can learn how best to help a struggling addict or alcoholic, you need to understand the nature of addiction.What has lead them to using and becoming addicted? Most people don't just wake up one day and say, "hey I think I will start recreationally using drugs and maybe it will be a problem one day...eh lets give it a go". Something has happened that they are running from or something is going on in their life that they are trying to block out. Not only do we need to understand what has caused this to happen but also it is important that you take care of yourself through getting them help.

We cannot control a drug addict or an alcoholic, but we can control our own behavior–including how we behave in relationship to a sick and suffering (and possibly manipulative) addict or alcoholic. Therefore, the best thing that you can do if you want to help someone in your life is to get yourself to an Al-Anon meeting. The people there can listen to your situation and give you the best specific advice on how to go about handling things. Educating yourself on how to set limits and boundaries is one of the most important things that you can do in this case. One example of setting a boundary is telling a close friend that you prefer they not be around you if they are drunk or high. Notice that it is specific, and you have to sit down and communicate this type of request explicitly with someone. Setting a boundary like this is difficult because there is this tendency to hurt other’s feelings. But that is part of what is keeping this person sick–caring more about the other person’s feelings than your loved ones own personal well being. Setting boundaries is about putting your own personal well being first, and letting that be a guiding example of how to live. They know you are setting effective boundaries when you help them take back control of their life and regain sanity–instead of being all wrapped up in the problems of a struggling drug addict or alcoholic. This is a crucial distance you must learn to keep when learning how to help a recovering drug addict.

Sometimes people can admit they have a problem but are unwilling to change. They can admit it but cannot accept it. The fear of change, the fear of life without chemicals is too great for them, even though they know that they have a real problem. They are caught between a rock and a hard place. This is when intervention comes in to play whether it be informal (between a few close people) or formal (with an addiction specialist).   Tread with caution and don’t push them over the edge. Be helpful and supportive. Personality type will help dictate if this is the best time for a formal intervention or not. If they are secluded, isolated, shy, or have anxiety or depression, then a formal intervention with lots of people might be a bad idea at this point. If you want to know how to help drug addicts then you have to learn to figure out how hard you can press up against this wall of fear. It can be a tricky balance to attain.

One of the key principles that will help in dealing with a struggling alcoholic or drug addict is detachment. The idea behind it is to separate yourself emotionally from the damaging effects of your relationship with the addict or alcoholic. It is not the same as complete disassociation or abandoning the relationship. The idea is to care for them while detaching emotionally. You can care for them but not feel like you are responsible for them. In other words, you are specifically trying to not get all wrapped up emotionally by an addicts destructive behaviors.
Practicing detachment should make it easier over time. Here are some things that you can do in order to practice detachment with the struggling addict in your life:
-Don’t do things that they should be doing themselves.
-Don’t bend over backwards to rescue them or save them from natural consequences.
-Don’t cover up for their mistakes or embarrassing situations.
-Don’t rescue them from crisis or financial situations.
-Don’t try to fix them.
-Let go of any guilt you may have about them
Detachment is not about denying your emotions. If someone close to you dies, for example, you will probably feel sad. You can’t choose this feeling. It simply is. But we do have the power to affect the intensity of this feeling, by focusing on the positive aspects of the situation. We can also change our thinking in an attempt to eradicate irrational beliefs that might be contributing to our emotional turmoil.
The goal is not to go without emotions, the goal is to achieve some level of emotional stability. We are detaching from the negative, irrational thoughts that stir up our emotions–like the guilt we might have if we think someone’s addiction is our fault. One thing that is especially helpful is finding an Al-anon group to be involved with.