my girl

Now that my sweet little girl is resting I have got to get it out of my system. Poor thing she is really sick, if you have kids you know when they feel bad b/c you can look in their eyes and see it. Sophie is prone to a lot of things b/c of the condition she was born with and has succomed to that this week. I wish I could fix it. She has been asleep for a while now and all I can do is look at her and think about how much we have been through, how awesome she is, and how she has blessed my life in so many ways. God knew what he was doing when he gave her to me... Man, with both of my kids when I think about how much I love them it just makes my heart so full. I was born to be a mommy. Even though I only gave birth to Sophie and Zander, it was what I was put on this earth for...Below is a note I posted for Sophie when she turned 10.

"Ten years ago today I started down a road that has taught me a lot about who I am and has made me strive to be a better person every day. It was a rough start, it was scary and uncertain, but it became a wonderful awesome thing. Of course I am talking about the birth of my daughter Sophie. It started out like most inductions, I was ready to go until 2 hours into evicting Sophie from her warm home we hit a snag. Sophie's heart stopped beating and I was losing too much blood. I remember my doctor trying to explain that I was being rushed in for an emergency c-section, but really it was like she was talking while running with my bed and I heard nothing(Like when you turn a TV on mute). Just a couple of minutes later Sophie was in this world! She didn't cry, she was so meek and still and after working on her for a couple of min she gave us the slightest grunt. I can still remember like it was a second ago them bringing her to me and me telling her how much I loved her and was so happy to see her. I wished her her first happy birthday and they whisked her away b/c I still was not out of the woods.

It was almost two hours later I came out of the OR. My story was scary, but I made it. I was half drugged when they brought my sweet 8lb 3 oz bundle to me and I was so scared to hold her b/c I felt so weak and out of it. They let me sleep off whatever it was they used to knock me out in the OR and the next morning I was with my girl. After a full week in the hospital we got home to find Sophie was born with a health issue that if not caught as quickly as it was could have changed her life as well as ours. She has defied so many odds, a tumor that dissipated like a miracle in her first year of life, and conquered it like a champ as well as several scary congenital issues. My girl has gone through eye surgeries, poking and prodding, scans and xrays, has more to go through as she grows up and handles ever last bit of it with grace and courage.

She has taught me so much about who I really am and how to be grateful for the smallest of things most people would take for granted. The past ten years haven't been easy, but to know I would end up with this amazing, beautiful, caring, and compassionate daughter I would do it all over again with the bat of an eye! Sophie I know I say it all the time but there is no mother in the world that could be so proud and elated with their daughter as I am of you. You are my hero! You have taught me to look past my worries and have faith that God will take care of us. You have shown me that the smallest person can make the biggest difference in so many peoples lives and you have given so much love to so many people who need it the most! You are growing up to be a wonderful  person  and every day your light shines brighter and brighter!

The day I found out I was pregnant with you I knew you were a girl, even though everyone told me you would be a boy in a family of boys I knew better, and that is where our bond started. Watching you grow and change and fight and win has been one of my life's greatest blessings and I wouldn't change it for the world. It is teaching you so much that I didn't have to know as a child and making you better for it! You are my "Rhea" of sunshine and despite the changes and ups and downs we have stuck together and leaned on each other and we always will. I love you punkin!!!!  I pray your life will continue to be filled with blessings b/c no matter when a door has been shut on us a window has always opened to something greater and better than what we had. I know in my heart you will do something so great and awesome with your life and help others and lead by example and be a good one at that!!! You are a one and only girl! Momma loves you! I look forward to all of our adventures together and watching you grow."