My new years resolution this year was to really look at myself and change or at least start working on some of my annoying flaws. What is better about getting it out then writing about them. My Nana would probably frown upon this post and my mom will probably be embarrassed that I am putting all of my bad traits out there...but honestly one good thing about me is I have brass balls and don't care what people think. I do care however, how I treat people. I don't want to come across as a bitch, snob, or pious, bragger, a 1 upper...aaaand I know I am guilty of all of those. So since new years I have been asking ppl randomly what is some of the stuff that I do that is annoying and unnecessary, after I got my little list I looked and am still looking inward to see why I am like this and what I can do to fix it. I guess you can't fix something unless you know why.
Me always one upping people and being competitive is I know from childhood. I was always made to compete with my brother, he was in swimming lessons, he got to be in the gifted kids class, he was given his first car, never got in trouble for not doing his chores...just Chris this and that and my grandmother (mom's mom) even said to my face he was her favorite. It was so bad that my Nana felt so sorry for me that she over compensated by doing extra for me. Of Course that made my parents angry and felt it wasn't fair to who.....my brother. When my sister decided to get married 3 months before me (even though I had been planning mine for months) my mother dropped me like a hot potato to help her. There is more but I don't want any ones pity. So, for the most part even though I truly love my siblings I think the "your brother does this why can't you" and "well your sister has some issues and needs some extra attention" has made me so competitive b/c I want to be seen and heard. It was always "your brother does this why can't you" or before he started doing poorly in school "oh look at how awesome your brothers project is...it would prob be to hard for you". All the while I am like hello!! I am making straight A's I won the schools reading contest...my art work was put on display in an art show and won first place...my iq tests were off the charts...oh but, I'm not that special.
It was a frustrating way to grow up but gave me this drive to be better than everyone around me at everything just so maybe my parents would actually admit that I have talents, that I am special to them, and I wanted to be seen. I think this drive can be good and bad. It can be good in the business world to get me ahead in life, it can be good if I am playing sports...but it can be bad in relationships, friendships....first impressions. When someone I have never met aside from hanging out with on vacation for a couple of days noticed it...I need to fix it. Oh man then you think "I bet everyone thinks I am a total ass"...ugh I'm not I swear, I just need to work on my self esteem...yeah I said it as much as I hate to admit it. It has nothing to do with anyone but me, its not how others feel about me but how I feel about myself.
The next big ole giant neon light of a flaw is how quick I am to push someone away and not let people get close. My kids are at the very core of my heart and so is God. Since my divorce, Lee has gotten closer then any man I have ever known. I think I have felt hurt (not being a victim) so many times by ppl I love I have built up walls...big thick walls. So I will let you get so close...but that's it. I know some of it is I have unrealistic expectations of ppl and if you don't meet that expectation I push. I know I get that from my parents having unrealistic expectations of me, my ex-husband had unrealistic expectations, at some point I became the same way. I can't expect everyone to think like me. If it has ever made someone feel like they have to lie to me....please don't. It's my problem not yours so be honest with me.
Thats the last thing I will touch base on with this blog...I hate with a passion being lied to. I was recently, Friday to be specific. It's prob the 4th or 5th time thanks to Face Book they have been busted lying to me. You wanna see me push someone away fast...lie to me. There is no sense in it. I'm not going to judge, if I don't agree with the truth it's my problem but I respect ppl who can be honest when its hard to be then take the easy road and lie. Ppl who feel compelled to lie about both small and large stuff have a problem, lying to protect themselves, look good, gain financially or socially and avoid punishment. I know this type of liar has to a certain extent deluded himself and wants to be pitied. I don't feel sorry for ppl who can't be honest. It's not snobbery, it's not an unrealistic expectation...it's respect.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Valentines Day...yeah I am protesting again!
Wikipedia says that Valentines Day is "a holiday observed on February 14 honoring one or more early Christian martyr named Valentinus. The day first became associated with romantic love in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer in the High Middle Ages, when the tradition of courtly love flourished." Blah Blah Blah I am not going to bore you with a ton of info that you will forget by this time nest year. I am going to give my opinion on it b/c it's what Keleigh's do best! YAY!
The years I spent in business managing retail stores Valentines day always made me sour. Usually a ton of guys running around with that deer in the headlights look freaked b/c there are no cards, flowers, or chocolates left. One guy said my wife will never forgive me if I don't bring something home....I suggested getting her some shampoo and conditioner, its practical...won't make her gain weight...and won't die. He didn't like it....so I sold him some really awful perfume and he went on his way. My future husband is going to love my on Valentines...why, b/c I think it's total crap. Tell me you love me year round, go to church with me, occasionally do something nice unexpected....I will follow him to the ends...srsly it's all it takes.
This crap has just gone too commercial well really like all holidays, but I think V-day annoys me the most. I would rather on any random day my kids make me a card....for no reason but they love me. I would rather my man pick wild flowers in a field for no other reason then b/c he loves me...it just means more then having to feel forced to show how much you love a person once a year. It's not special.
The years I spent in business managing retail stores Valentines day always made me sour. Usually a ton of guys running around with that deer in the headlights look freaked b/c there are no cards, flowers, or chocolates left. One guy said my wife will never forgive me if I don't bring something home....I suggested getting her some shampoo and conditioner, its practical...won't make her gain weight...and won't die. He didn't like it....so I sold him some really awful perfume and he went on his way. My future husband is going to love my on Valentines...why, b/c I think it's total crap. Tell me you love me year round, go to church with me, occasionally do something nice unexpected....I will follow him to the ends...srsly it's all it takes.
This crap has just gone too commercial well really like all holidays, but I think V-day annoys me the most. I would rather on any random day my kids make me a card....for no reason but they love me. I would rather my man pick wild flowers in a field for no other reason then b/c he loves me...it just means more then having to feel forced to show how much you love a person once a year. It's not special.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
This goes out to the crazy man hunters!
Oh ladies....ladies...ladies...ladies. Well and a few guys too. When will you ever learn that changing who you are and what you like to take on what other people like so they will date you just never works out. Ok...you all have seen "Runaway Bride" right? Julia Roberts character takes on all of the passions and loves of her supposed husband and in the end she isn't happy, the relationship ends badly, and she is stuck back at square one. My ex-husband even does it....he is a relationship chameleon and changes his religious beliefs to whatever the person he is with believes. So basically....what does he believe?? Who knows...not my problem.
Now basically everyone on a level does this, you first start seriously dating, you go to lunch and both get the same thing to eat...it's ok we have to relate to feel safe enough to be ourselves, but after a while if you aren't the type of person that loves yourself you take on their personality to keep them interested. At some point, the real you is going to rear its ugly head and BAM!! This whole time you have been a sham. It's sooooo not worth it, b/c then you have fallen deeper into losing your sense of self and not knowing even what you like. Wouldn't rather have someone its easy with....wouldn't it be better to love yourself even if the guy you are obsessing over doesn't? Cause gurrrrllll....It aint gonna work. It's all about romantic compatibility and if its not there its not going to be faked.
Why do we always ask our love interest what sort of music they like? We want to know they are on our wavelength. We want to know they are drawn to the same emotional experience, so we can trust that they will understand us. It seems like this is easily faked. All you have to do is listen to someone talk passionately and agree with them. Find something from your own experience that is similar emotionally and share it. But this can be hard work. It's much easier if your passions really are similar emotionally. That way, things just happen.
The problem comes when you are romantically attracted to people who are not on your wavelength. This means, people who are not right for you, but who have something that you respect, or admire, or just desire. You want to be with the other person to feel good about yourself, to fill some hole inside you or to change what other people think about you. These relationships are doomed to failure from the start, because of the amount of energy it takes to maintain them. Do you like yourself? Would you be attracted to someone who was the opposite sex version of you? Are the people you are attracted to your mirror in terms of life philosophy, success, social hierarchy?
The right person for you has similar political and religious views. Their life philosophy, work ethic, wit matches yours perfectly. There are certain adjustments to make across the genders, for example power in men roughly equates to looks in women. But the stress in the relationship is directly proportional to your differences. A certain amount of stress is healthy and keeps things interesting, but only up to a certain breaking point.
When you think of the men or women who naturally come into your life, the ones who have the same interests and world view as you, are you attracted to them? The girls or guys who you know you could get, and just be with, just by turning round and saying you wanted them, are they the sort of person you want? Are they the sort of person you want to be? If you're honest with yourself, you'll probably realize that the things you don't like about them are the things you don't like about yourself. So you reject that person and look for the qualities you want to see in yourself, in someone else.
Once you accept yourself you will realize your true motives for wanting someone you can't have. If you want to be with them to compensate for your own shortcomings, you will no longer want them. If you want them because you want to be like their ideal partner, then you will become that person. So there is never a need to change yourself for someone else. To get a lil Godly here, to those of you who decide to take God on to make a Godly person like you....Worshiping God is not about yourself or them it's about God. I think he gives us a few wrong people in our lives so we will know who the right ones are. And the wrong ones will smother you to death...and everyone around you. You want a good relationship that will stand the test of time? Become so lost in God to find yourself that he has to find God in order to know you.
Now basically everyone on a level does this, you first start seriously dating, you go to lunch and both get the same thing to eat...it's ok we have to relate to feel safe enough to be ourselves, but after a while if you aren't the type of person that loves yourself you take on their personality to keep them interested. At some point, the real you is going to rear its ugly head and BAM!! This whole time you have been a sham. It's sooooo not worth it, b/c then you have fallen deeper into losing your sense of self and not knowing even what you like. Wouldn't rather have someone its easy with....wouldn't it be better to love yourself even if the guy you are obsessing over doesn't? Cause gurrrrllll....It aint gonna work. It's all about romantic compatibility and if its not there its not going to be faked.
Why do we always ask our love interest what sort of music they like? We want to know they are on our wavelength. We want to know they are drawn to the same emotional experience, so we can trust that they will understand us. It seems like this is easily faked. All you have to do is listen to someone talk passionately and agree with them. Find something from your own experience that is similar emotionally and share it. But this can be hard work. It's much easier if your passions really are similar emotionally. That way, things just happen.
The problem comes when you are romantically attracted to people who are not on your wavelength. This means, people who are not right for you, but who have something that you respect, or admire, or just desire. You want to be with the other person to feel good about yourself, to fill some hole inside you or to change what other people think about you. These relationships are doomed to failure from the start, because of the amount of energy it takes to maintain them. Do you like yourself? Would you be attracted to someone who was the opposite sex version of you? Are the people you are attracted to your mirror in terms of life philosophy, success, social hierarchy?
The right person for you has similar political and religious views. Their life philosophy, work ethic, wit matches yours perfectly. There are certain adjustments to make across the genders, for example power in men roughly equates to looks in women. But the stress in the relationship is directly proportional to your differences. A certain amount of stress is healthy and keeps things interesting, but only up to a certain breaking point.
When you think of the men or women who naturally come into your life, the ones who have the same interests and world view as you, are you attracted to them? The girls or guys who you know you could get, and just be with, just by turning round and saying you wanted them, are they the sort of person you want? Are they the sort of person you want to be? If you're honest with yourself, you'll probably realize that the things you don't like about them are the things you don't like about yourself. So you reject that person and look for the qualities you want to see in yourself, in someone else.
Once you accept yourself you will realize your true motives for wanting someone you can't have. If you want to be with them to compensate for your own shortcomings, you will no longer want them. If you want them because you want to be like their ideal partner, then you will become that person. So there is never a need to change yourself for someone else. To get a lil Godly here, to those of you who decide to take God on to make a Godly person like you....Worshiping God is not about yourself or them it's about God. I think he gives us a few wrong people in our lives so we will know who the right ones are. And the wrong ones will smother you to death...and everyone around you. You want a good relationship that will stand the test of time? Become so lost in God to find yourself that he has to find God in order to know you.
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