Oh ladies....ladies...ladies...ladies. Well and a few guys too. When will you ever learn that changing who you are and what you like to take on what other people like so they will date you just never works out. Ok...you all have seen "Runaway Bride" right? Julia Roberts character takes on all of the passions and loves of her supposed husband and in the end she isn't happy, the relationship ends badly, and she is stuck back at square one. My ex-husband even does it....he is a relationship chameleon and changes his religious beliefs to whatever the person he is with believes. So basically....what does he believe?? Who knows...not my problem.
Now basically everyone on a level does this, you first start seriously dating, you go to lunch and both get the same thing to eat...it's ok we have to relate to feel safe enough to be ourselves, but after a while if you aren't the type of person that loves yourself you take on their personality to keep them interested. At some point, the real you is going to rear its ugly head and BAM!! This whole time you have been a sham. It's sooooo not worth it, b/c then you have fallen deeper into losing your sense of self and not knowing even what you like. Wouldn't rather have someone its easy with....wouldn't it be better to love yourself even if the guy you are obsessing over doesn't? Cause gurrrrllll....It aint gonna work. It's all about romantic compatibility and if its not there its not going to be faked.
Why do we always ask our love interest what sort of music they like? We want to know they are on our wavelength. We want to know they are drawn to the same emotional experience, so we can trust that they will understand us. It seems like this is easily faked. All you have to do is listen to someone talk passionately and agree with them. Find something from your own experience that is similar emotionally and share it. But this can be hard work. It's much easier if your passions really are similar emotionally. That way, things just happen.
The problem comes when you are romantically attracted to people who are not on your wavelength. This means, people who are not right for you, but who have something that you respect, or admire, or just desire. You want to be with the other person to feel good about yourself, to fill some hole inside you or to change what other people think about you. These relationships are doomed to failure from the start, because of the amount of energy it takes to maintain them. Do you like yourself? Would you be attracted to someone who was the opposite sex version of you? Are the people you are attracted to your mirror in terms of life philosophy, success, social hierarchy?
The right person for you has similar political and religious views. Their life philosophy, work ethic, wit matches yours perfectly. There are certain adjustments to make across the genders, for example power in men roughly equates to looks in women. But the stress in the relationship is directly proportional to your differences. A certain amount of stress is healthy and keeps things interesting, but only up to a certain breaking point.
When you think of the men or women who naturally come into your life, the ones who have the same interests and world view as you, are you attracted to them? The girls or guys who you know you could get, and just be with, just by turning round and saying you wanted them, are they the sort of person you want? Are they the sort of person you want to be? If you're honest with yourself, you'll probably realize that the things you don't like about them are the things you don't like about yourself. So you reject that person and look for the qualities you want to see in yourself, in someone else.
Once you accept yourself you will realize your true motives for wanting someone you can't have. If you want to be with them to compensate for your own shortcomings, you will no longer want them. If you want them because you want to be like their ideal partner, then you will become that person. So there is never a need to change yourself for someone else. To get a lil Godly here, to those of you who decide to take God on to make a Godly person like you....Worshiping God is not about yourself or them it's about God. I think he gives us a few wrong people in our lives so we will know who the right ones are. And the wrong ones will smother you to death...and everyone around you. You want a good relationship that will stand the test of time? Become so lost in God to find yourself that he has to find God in order to know you.
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